i wanna play horsie! Real cakes not foghorns!At first, while just the bare horns were taking shape, only a grave and
concentrated quiet prevailed among those assembled But from the moment
that forks began to appear upon the horns, a tense interest and rapt attention
was manifested among them And this was because everybody was stirred by
the wish to learn how many forks would make their appearance on Beelzebub,
since their number would indicate, in keeping with the Sacred Measurer of
Objective Reason, the gradation to which Beelzebub had attained.
First one fork was formed, then another, and then a third, and as each fork
made its appearance, a clearly perceptible thrill of joy and profound
satisfaction was evoked in all those present.




"All guys want is sex"."Ekh, ekh, ekh!" exclaimed Beelzebub, and giving his features the expression he was wont to assume during his sojourns on the planet Earth, he said:
"First of all, I wish to voice in the language of our venerable Mullah Nasr
Eddin the thought that arises in me by association about Ahoon's words, so
unusual for him.And indeed, through the transparent outer walls of the Karnak the source of
that "pale blue something" soon became visible, lighting up not only the
whole interior of the ship but also all the space of the Universe around this
great cosmic "egolionopty," as far as the ordinary vision of beings could reach
In the whole Universe there are only four of these great "egolionopties,"
and each of them is under the direction of one of the four All-Quarters
Maintainers of the Universe.



when you pass then the girls don't like you anymore.
they think there is something wrong with them.
///-"I will be so helpful to you," but what you really want is a sex partner,bullshuit. But, I'll bet you don't wash walls, do toilets, do windows, clean ovens, defrost refrigerators, vacuum, or take out the trash even if it reeks.""
But I know that theres nothin wrong with me, its just my choice in men lol
My # is 206-312-1857, I am expecting a call so we can meet and make proper arrangements. I am also open to having you read me poetry while providing loving oral sex as long as you swallow and don't beg too much for the testosterone puddings.

sometimes even if someone is nice, attractive,etc. i still don't like them. i would rather scorn them and make them suffer public humiliation.

you're mean!!"And now let us rejoice together and sing in exaltation over this privilege, which is a revivifying shock for our power to struggle against our own denying source, which power alone can lead us to that sacred Podkoolad attained by this son of our Common Father who, although he first
transgressed on account of his youth, was afterward able, by his conscious labor and intentional suffering, to become worthy in his essence to be one of the very rare sacred Podkoolads of the whole of our Great Universe. "




you want to stay away from these types though, they'll go Bobbit sooner or later!"Sacred Podkoolad of our Great Megalocosmos! Have mercy upon me and
pardon me, unfortunate ordinary three-centered being that I am, for all my
past disrespectful manifestations, voluntary and involuntary, toward your
Sacred Essence.
"Have mercy and pardon me, pardon just this three-centered being who, though he has existed a very long time, yet to his misfortune—only because in his preparatory age none of his elders aided the crystallization in him of the
psychic factors for the power to intensively actualize being-partkdolgduty
indispensable to every three-brained being— had until now been so blind that
he was unable even instinctively to sense that Uni-Being and unshakable
reality beneath an exterior coated in conformity with the common-cosmic
Trogoautoegocrat and surrounding conditions—a reality sacred for every
breathing creature, which bears the name of 'Objective Reason. ' "



I'm going to take a shower, I'll be back

you have to sign a waiver

big trouble!

Having said this, Ahoon stood as if sunk in a stupor, silently expectant
And Beelzebub, also in silence, gazed at him with a look that was visibly
full of love and forgiveness, yet in which there could also be felt his essence-
grief and his resignation to the inevitable.
During this scene, Hassein stood apart in the posture known everywhere as
the "posture of the famous universal hermit, Harnatoolkpararana of the planet
Kirmankshana. "



all females have the preconcieved notion that all men want nookie and little more or little else. they are dumbfounded when you pass on the chance at nibbling on the cookie.








i need to find me a rich business woman! i was about 16 and it was in my grandma's backyard. I asked my friend how to get it out. he said cut it out but that hurt, andd the pulling. i asked my grandma how you could get gum out of your hair and she said "peanut butter'. so I used peanut butter.i lived with one lady from germany for 4 months in west seattle but she was bonkers eventually i just cut it out.one time she sent over someone to check up on me and her cats while i had this girl i knew riding me upstairs so i hurried up and went downstairs.
one time a girl was giving me head and took out her gum from her mouth and mashed it in my pubic hairs.
the girls name was april and she told everyone at school and some people called me the "peanut butter bandit". she was nice though, she had a car and drove me everywhere and we would get drunk. she worked too and would buy me stuff.
then they beg for you to take the cookie! she saw the cats in the living room and left, everything was ok.so i stayed in her house for like a month while she was gone and brough people over there and we would hump in her bed. she'd always call and I'd screen the calls so i didn't have to talk to her because she would want to talk for hours and tell me all kinds of nonsense.often times it leaves then perplexed, confused as if there is something wrong with them.i was seeing one several years ago who lived in redmond and was a rental agent selling houses she wanted me to live with her. I should have but i went to las vegas and stayed there for 2 years.she had 6 cats i moved out and she called me later asking me if i could watch them while she went to mexico.

i hid all the pictures of her in drawers and brought crazy young freaks over there i'd pick up at bars downtown.The inevitable result of impartial mentation-
BEELZEBUB would have said more, but just then everything was suddenly lit
up and permeated by a "pale blue something " From that moment the speed of
falling of the ship Karnak began to decrease perceptibly.
This meant that in this sphere of the Universe one of the great cosmic
"egolionopties" had appeared and was about to come alongside the space ship
Karnak.

Nigerian Witches Afraid of Brooms
CNN | Submitted by: Gargoyle the Hutt
"One day, I took a broom to hit her and he started crying. Then I knew she was possessed by demons... many of these Nigerian witches are delusion beyond beliefs! Yes they have lovely round cakes, cookie is pudding filled, midjets up top, but facial features are frightening! Nigerian witches are terrified of brooms, terrified of further damage being done to their noodles up on top"... Children accused of witchcraft are often incarcerated in churches for weeks on end and beaten, starved and tortured in order to extract a confession... About 1,000 people accused of being witches in Gambia were locked in detention centers in March and forced to drink a dangerous hallucinogenic potion which only further sanctified their delusions.

At the head of this procession walked a venerable archangel, immediately followed by two cherubim solemnly bearing a casket from which radiated "something orange. "
In front of everyone, in the main hall of the ship Karnak, stood Beelzebub, and behind him were ranged his kinsmen and the captain of the ship, and behind them stood all the others at a respectful distance.
When the procession from the egolionopty drew near the beings of Beelzebub's nature who were assembled in expectation, it halted, and the two groups of three-brained beings of different natures joined in singing the Hymn to our Endlessness that is always sung on such occasions everywhere in the Universe by beings of all natures and all forms of exterior coating.
This hymn has the following words:
Thou Long-Patient Creator of all that breathes, Thou Abundantly Loving Cause of all that exists, Thou Unique Vanquisher of the merciless Heropass,
Now to the sound of our exaltation,
Rejoice and abide in beatitude
By Thy unprecedented labors
Thou hast given us the source of our arising,
By Thy vanquishing of the Heropass
Thou hast opened to us the possibility
Of perfecting ourselves to the sacred Anklad
And now only rest, as Thou hast merited
We in gratitude
Will maintain all Thou hast created,
And always and in everything will extol Thee forever, Extol Thee, Maker-Creator— Thou, the Beginning of all ends, Thou, proceeding from Infinity,
Thou Who hast the end of all things within Thyself, Thou, our Endless Endlessness
After the hymn had been sung, the venerable archangel who was at the head of the procession approached Beelzebub and solemnly proclaimed:
Thank you for your very thoughtful, generous and mindful response. You seem to be a very kind, gracious, intelligent, and healthy (if not loving and well balanced) individual. I find your opinions to be very positive and insightful, I feel blessed to have the opportunity to have them shared with me. I am quite sure you are a very happy lady, one who is enjoying life to the fullest of which I am quite pleased to learn as well. Then?
"By the decree of His All-Quarters Maintainer, the Arch-Cherub Peshtvogner, and bearing his own sacred rod, we appear before you, Your Right Reverence, in order to restore to you, in accordance with the pardon granted you from Above and for certain of your merits, that which you lost during your exile—your horns.
Having said this, the venerable archangel turned toward the casket borne by the cherubim and with profound reverence carefully took from it the sacred rod.
Meanwhile all those present knelt down on one knee, while the angels and
cherubim began to sing the appropriate sacred canticles.
With the sacred rod in his hand, the archangel turned again toward Beelzebub and spoke thus to the beings of Beelzebub's nature.


Easterner Beaten With Swan
Der Spiegel | Submitted by: Ascott
"A man grabbed a live swan by the neck and used it as a weapon to attack his opponent during an altercation by the bank of a river in Munich, over the affections of a 100%cutie with real cakes and a coookie never eaten!... He hurled abuse at him, shouting: "Piss off you eastern pig, they should rebuild the Wall right up to the sky because of you." After hehad finished using the swan to hit the easterner,he went on to hurl bottles and even a barbecue filled with red-hot coals at their victim, who managed to escape with minor injuries. "No 100%cuties for you here"The easterner hater stated, fist raised contemptously."
"Beings created by our Uni-Being Endlessness, Who by His infinite grace has pardoned this once-erring being Beelzebub, who will again exist among you, beings like himself.
"As the virility and degree of Reason of beings of your nature are defined
and manifested by the horns on your heads, we must, with the permission of
our All-Quarters Maintainer, and with your help, restore the horns lost by
Beelzebub.
"Beings created by our One Common Father, your help will consist in this,
that each of you should consent to renounce, on behalf of Beelzebub's merited
pardon, certain particles of your own horns.
"Therefore whosoever consents and wishes to do so, let him approach the sacred rod and touch its handle On the length of time the handle of this sacred rod is held will depend the quantity of active elements passing from your
own horns for forming corresponding horns on this pardoned being of your nature.
Having said this, the venerable archangel, holding the chief end of the
sacred rod, that is, the ball, over the kneeling Beelzebub, turned the handle
toward those there assembled so that whoever wished might come and touch
it.
As soon as the venerable archangel had finished speaking, a very great
commotion began among the beings of Beelzebub's nature, each one desiring
to come nearer and be the first to hold the sacred rod for as long as possible.
Order was soon established, however, and each one approached in turn and
held the handle for as long as was indicated by the captain of the ship, who
had taken upon himself the direction of the ceremony.
During this solemn sacred action, horns began to grow, little by little, upon
the head of Beelzebub.


MSNBC | Submitted by: ferret
"While I was standing in the door all you could see was the back of the couch. And then she popped over the back of the couch and showed me that her hands were bound. Where the 100%cutie was recieving the ole in out in out and was just mouthing, Please call 911... Turner tried to look calm. "Have a nice day. Enjoy your food," he told the suspect."
When a fourth fork began to appear on the horns, the tension among those
assembled reached its height, since the formation of a fourth fork signified
that the Reason of Beelzebub had already been perfected up to the sacred
"Ternoonald," and hence there remained for Beelzebub only two gradations
before attaining to the sacred Anklad.
As this unusual ceremony was nearing its end, and before all the participants had time to recover their self-possession after their earlier joyful agitation, suddenly on Beelzebub's horns there appeared of itself a fifth fork of a special form known to them all.
Thereupon all without exception, even the venerable archangel himself, fell prostrate before Beelzebub, who had risen to his feet and stood transfigured in the grandeur conferred on him by the truly majestic horns which had arisen on his head.
And all fell prostrate before Beelzebub because the fifth fork on his horns indicated that he had attained the Reason of the sacred "Podkoolad," which is the last gradation of Reason before the sacred Anklad.
The Reason of the sacred Anklad is the highest to which, in general, any being can attain, it is the third in degree from the Absolute Reason of His Endlessness Himself.
But the Reason of the sacred Podkoolad, to which Beelzebub had perfected himself, is also very rare in the Universe Hence even the venerable archangel prostrated himself before Beelzebub, for the degree of his own Reason was as yet only that of the sacred "Degindad," that is, three degrees below that of the Reason of the sacred Anklad.
When they had all risen to their feet, the venerable archangel, this time addressing all the assembled beings of different natures, proclaimed:
"Beings created by One Creator, we have just been worthy to be the first to behold the fulfillment of that which is the dream of all those present, as it is of all beings in the whole of our Great Megalocosmos.

After this exhortation by the archangel, all the beings present on the space ship Karnak began to sing the prescribed sacred canticle entitled "I Rejoice. "
And when this sacred canticle had been sung, all the angels and cherubim, with the venerable archangel at their head, returned to the cosmic egolionopty, which then drew away from the ship Karnak and gradually disappeared into space, whereupon the passengers and crew dispersed to their various places and the Karnak resumed its falling toward its destination.
After this most great universal solemnity, Beelzebub, with his grandson and his old servant Ahoon, who like all the other passengers of the space ship Karnak were deeply moved by this unexpected event, returned to that part of the ship where all their talks had taken place about the men-beings arising and existing on the Earth.
When Beelzebub, now with a transfigured appearance corresponding to his merits, had taken his usual place, Ahoon, his old servant who had been close to him for almost the whole of his existence, suddenly fell prostrate before him and in a sincerely entreating voice, began to speak:


And a little later, when Beelzebub glanced around and noticed his
grandson in this posture, he turned to him and said:
"What, my boy! Can it be that the same thing is proceeding in your presence as in our old Ahoon's?"
To this question of Beelzebub, Hassein, in an uncertain tone unusual for him, replied timidly:
"Yes . . . almost . . . Sacred Podkoolad of our Great Megalocosmos Only
with this difference, that at this moment the impulse of love both for our
Ahoon and for the three-brained beings of the planet Earth is functioning still
more strongly in me.
"This impulse of love is growing stronger in me because, it seems to me,
both Ahoon and the three-brained beings of the planet Earth have greatly
helped me to become worthy of being an eyewitness of the glorification of
him who is the cause of the cause of my arising and who until now I have
called 'my dear grandfather,' but who has now become,
also for me, one of the sacred Podkoolads of our Great Megalocosmos, before whom all will bow and before whom at this moment I have the happiness to stand. "

"Such a nice girl (granny voice)." You are very polite and agreeable.I enjoyed upping the auntie. . giving me the long neck , red eye to boston? Such a nice creamface.Then some humpback rides and I can do some clinical investigations? Shouldn't cost too much hard currency or legal tender. Sort of similar to pancake batter inside alunch pail and you could have some scones after. I'll store inside a shed later. Couple cans of cranberry sauce should help too just in case we run into trouble.
OK- what kind of cake(s) are you succulently willing to graciously provide? Fornication not necessary. Pudding filled? Not necessarily estrogen jelly mind yours.
1.You cannot be homogenized or pasteurized because I need you to lay me a delicious, wonderous egg IF I choose to fertilize you. I will promise to protect it (providing both paternal and maternal duties)
until it hatches and brings forth great beauty upon the ENTIRE galaxy for eons, recognize my spermicial beckonings!
2. In return all your greatest wishes, dreams and desires will be fullfilled.....of this I promise. Yet nature does have odd twists of fate nature and often times decides to play cruel jokes on the unsuspecting. More reason to take me up on protection, although none will be offered erection wise.At least I will be there
to heat you up a nice cup of warm goats skim milk and feed you some white kidney beans,yogurt ,beets and NO raisins. (not my fault if later your immortal soul becomes the host for satans parasites.)The delicious morsels of your divine intellect will be digested over time, of which I am quite thankful. If you have any more jewels of wisdom please do share, and thank you kindly for your healthy feedback. I do have several questions, of which I would much rather ask in a face to face meeting or possibly via the telephone as it would be more appropriate. Possibly, over some potato salad and yogurt, made a non-alcoholic cabonated beverage, somewhere on broadway and soon.

*** How about we barter. Just your CAKES only. The Sooners are the second best not the Better, and worse than some others actually.


When the great cosmic egolionopty had come alongside, certain partitions
of the ship Karnak were moved apart in a special way and there passed from
the egolionopty into the main hall of the ship a procession composed of
several archangels with a multitude of angels, cherubim, and seraphim, and
they too carried branches in their hands, but theirs were of palm.
1. who's plate am I to be stepping up to?

2. seeing that you are obviously a very well educated, literate and intelligent lady, what does "bullshuit" exactly mean? I am hoping it is being used in a positive light, I am quite sure you do not intend on demeaning your character.
3."wash walls, do toilets, do windows, clean ovens, defrost refrigerators, vacuum, take out the trash if it reeks" are you seeking a custodial maintainence professional? Surely you have the knowledge and wherewithal to do such activities yourself if need be.

4. your offer of the free place to live and being a sex partner is quite tempting, this is why we must meet first.

5. Your advise is quite interesting, you seem like a stern individual. I am having the imaginings of you attempting to scold me while we engage in sexual intercourse via the missionary positionings, as it would be more fruitful and productive than the mere banter here, and give you something more positive and helpful to engage in.

A hurried and somewhat anxious commotion spread among the beings
aboard the Karnak, and in a short time all the passengers and crew assembled
in the main hall in the center of the ship.
Each of them bore a branch of myrtle in one hand and a "dezjelkasheh" in the other.Cakes!!! I must possess your luscious and divine cakes in a dastardly lascivious fashion!